There are times when you just do not know where to turn or what on earth to do next. Women, in particular, who seem happiest planning each second of the day to make it as productive as possible, can fall especially hard when something goes wrong and then before it has been sorted out in usual efficient fashion, another thing topples, bringing down a load of other stuff with it on the way.

By this point you will no longer have enough energy left to be able to look at things realistically or rationally. Nor will you be able to hear your inner voice, which has stored away memories of how you coped last time things fell apart and actually has some useful advice for you, which you are in no state to listen to. You will have the blinkers on and can only see disaster ahead.

In my extensive experience of coping with calamity (and calamity can refer to quite small problems if they happen at times of stress or if we are already low) over the years, I have looked for solutions/answers/advice from everywhere I could think of. I have had counselling, quizzed friends for hours, read self help books for ever, and now that we have fingertip answers, found myself demanding answers to impossible questions from the internet at any time of day or night:

“Panicking about tomorrow”, “Why does he hate me?” “Am I an awful person?” “How long before I feel better?”

(“NOOOOOO” was a particularly ill-thought out classic, but actually got some pretty interesting results….)

Anyway. It’s all horrible and if you are going to get any sleep, there are a couple of pointers I can give you which might just stop the screeching doom-laden ghastliness of the current horrible moment, at least long enough for you to regain some perspective and turn an ear to that poor inner voice politely trying to have a quick consolling word with you.

1: Stop, Look, Listen.

CBT is without doubt, the best solution for amost everyone but it is hard work, a long term investment and hard to get hold of. I suggest training yourself. This bloke is perfect: Dr Jim White. Try and get onto one of his six week online courses, they’re free, local mental health places might refer you. Buy his book maybe, I don’t know. But he has brilliant emergency strategies. With massive apologies to Dr Jim, using every ounce of Old Mum’s limited powers of recall, here is what I do with: Stop, Look, Listen.

Stop. Just stop that turmoil in your head for one minute.

Look at something nearby. Your hand, a robin on a tree, that wonky picture.

Listen. Really listen. Try to hear something far away then something near.

Nope. Not going to sort anything out in the long term. But it’s a way to stop the racing train and that can be enough time to regain control and look at things just a little more sensibly for right now.

2: I can’t tell you how many times I’ve dipped into this book. It has something on every crisis situation you can imagine and while most carry some message of hope, some are just downright sad which actually I find useful when in the throes of my own misery. It’s a bit like when you are dripping wet in a rainstorm and a pillock flying past in a car sends an arc of mud over your ankles. At that point you can almost find it funny.

Which is one of the best ways ever to give yourself that precious few seconds to re set and adjust the blinkers a little.

That way you might let a little bit of light in too…